Tag: creating peaceful relationships

Wisdom’s Way to Peace: The Wonder of Self Kindness

HAPPY NEW YEAR! In this next year, my overarching theme at Feathers, Rainbows & Roses will be peaceful relating with all our relations. Peaceful relating, as a practice and an attitude, is choosing to communicate and engage – with ourselves and others – with love, with respect for the dignity of another, and to do so justly. My desire is to help you develop and enhance your skills and inner capacity to enjoy and practise peaceful relating with all your relations.

We live always in the wonder of relationship, regardless of the quality of those relationships. I believe that collectively, we are awakening to the truth that we need one another in socially and intimate ways for our well-being. We need love and inter-connection. We are social beings who thrive when we are loved and when we love. We are awakening to the reality that most of our deepest hurts and pain result in the wounds of human relating, in the absence of connection, of acceptance and of belonging.

Recently I was teaching a class where I was introducing a new routine to dog training students. I was excited about a section of the routine, knowing it required handling skills beyond what we have done before. I hadn’t worked out all the kinks and wasn’t sure how this section of the routine would yet flow. So, after the first run-through of the routine, I asked the class for input and suggestions about it. Without warning, one member took the opportunity to sabotage the class, resulting in confusion, frustration and resentment for most of those present. Suddenly, I was caught in a situation where I hadn’t planned on being.

In reflecting on this situation afterward, I thought about what peaceful relating looks like when boundaries, whether personal or group, are being trespassed. What could I have done differently to give an opportunity for people to voice their thoughts without my own boundaries being intruded upon? [Thankfully, I was able to debrief later with another trainer and come up with responses and strategies to manage the situation better should this behaviour occur again.]

I also contemplated on various elements of my upcoming workshop and their relevance in helping me to handle myself with grace, patience and professionalism. I was able to stay grounded, centered and responsive in a difficult and unexpected situation. Practise what you preach, they say!

Creating boundaries which promote kindness and health for ourselves while maintaining connection is an ever-evolving skill. Learn more about how to do this in my upcoming workshop – The Self Kindness Response: Boundaries for Healthy & Joyful Living on February 24-25th, 2017. Join me for two full days of developing and practising better skills at saying YES and NO to sustain our health and well-being (kindness toward ourselves). We will set ourselves up to be prepared for, rather than overwhelmed by, the daily stresses and demands of our lives.

In the coming weeks, I will be releasing a series of podcasts, this time with Jennifer Bodenham, a team development coach, in which we explore why we need boundaries, what they are and one specific exercise to help you learn how you can get started towards living a life that is more kind and joyful. The wonder and value of self-kindness, health and maintaining connection with others, even when it starts to get difficult are mutually possible with a little education and lots of commitment towards peaceful relating with all our relations (that means ourselves too). I invite you to listen in. Consider this a sampling of what you will gain from attending The Self Kindness Response: Boundaries for Healthy & Joyful Living on February 24-25th, 2017.


Shirley Lynn

Wisdom’s Way to Relating Peacefully: Your 2016 Working Guide

WWREALIt isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.

Eleanor Roosevelt

This 2016 version will take you through an indepth process of reflection, dreaming and learning in a very supportive way.

You begin on a journey of remembering and discovering what has been the best and the worst of times in your relationships. With these insights and desires ‘in front of you’, you will then be prepared to design your goals and personal action plan to create the peaceful relationships you have envisioned.

Get started right away with a simple click:

Celebrating One Year Later…

As I was doing sorting and clearing work, I came across this blog from last November 24th, exactly one year ago. It struck me that it is still applicable so I thought I would share it again!

What Can Be Better Than This? The Path of Releasing

As many of you know, I have recently moved from the office that I’ve been in for the past 7 years. It was a good space and afforded me and my clients some really good things and powerful moments. I enjoyed the park across the road where Carlie and I could go for a walk at lunch or eat our lunch in the park, lounging under a shade tree to re-group and ground before the afternoon revealed itself. So when I got the letter of termination of my lease, I had an initial breath of ‘oh my goodness’ – followed by an affirming prayer that something better will come in its place. During the month of October, I often questioned ‘what can be better than this’?

As I searched for a new office, I realized I needed to practise the path of releasing. Although I truly and deeply enjoyed where I was, I had to let it go to experience something more. Sometimes life calls us to release what we love in order to experience more of what we love. It’s a strange paradox which reminds us that the Universe is an abundant expression of Love, Joy and Peace, but to stay in the flow of these gifts, we need to let go of what we love to remain in the flow of Divine Love and Peace.

This paradox opens us to both the grief and the joy of what life unfolds. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, grief is a fundamental or core emotion in the cycle of life. We will never escape it. However, we can develop good skills in allowing grief to ‘pass through us’, rather than getting stuck in its hold of our hearts. Once I acknowledged my grief in moving from my old, comfortable and familiar office, I could more joyfully move forward, trusting that somehow something better would continue to manifest in the potential of my vision.

What Can Be Better Than This? This question came to me from a good friend and I have often asked it when faced with these kinds of moments in my life or when I am seeking new potential to unfold and I am asking for change.

As this year begins to wane and the winter solstice rises in our consciousness, I invite you to reflect on what you need to release. Is there something you totally enjoy and perhaps even love, but need to let go so you can move toward what fits your greater potential. It’s not always about releasing what you don’t want anymore; rather it’s releasing what no longer serves. Sometimes we may not recognize that something no longer serves us because we still are enjoying it.

731What Can Be Better Than This? After much consideration and shopping around in the limited time I had, I chose a new office space in downtown Elmira. This new office space in the Elmira Wellness Centre (the old Clock Tower building) holds a most lovely and inviting feel.

One year later I can say that the move was a fantastic one and I’m totally enjoying this new space. It keeps getting better and amazing things happen with clients here. Together, clients and I have been creating awareness and resolution using ALL the space this larger office provides! By stepping out, I did indeed find what can be better than this.

As we have been contemplating belonging this fall, this remains a great question for 2015: What can be better than this? As I strive for more peaceful relationships in my life, what sense of belonging and connection can I create or accept which is better than this?

If you are ready to contemplate and work with these questions in the presence of sacred witnessing, I invite you to set up an appointment with me. Let’s sort out what needs to be released from your life and courageously seek for what is better for you now and into the new year.

In honour of my first anniversary in the Elmira Wellness Centre, I am offering an incentive to get you started. Meet with me before December 23rd 2014 and receive a 15% discount on your next appointment in January 2015.

Concerned about the winter weather? Ask me about long-distance energy therapy and phone sessions as alternatives to in-office visits. What is better than this?


Shirley Lynn

Creating Peaceful Relationships: Where Do I Belong?

Recently, I enjoyed a weekend visit with my brother and his family. Upon our arrival, my 3½ year old nephew helped carry my bag to my room and immediately began asking about ‘the special game’ I had promised to bring along. Since it was dinner time, I said we had to wait until the next day when it would be sunny and warm. He chatted eagerly and enthusiastically with Lucy and me, sharing all the recent news and events he thought we might deem important. And so that night, I went to bed surrounded by family and my nephew’s excitement as he explores the world and relationships that are his life.

The next day we finally got to play ‘the game’ – the squirt game as it became known – super-soakers filled with cold water from the hose. We ran around the yard, squirting, chasing, screaming, laughing, interspersed with bits of 3 year old ‘trash talking’ to challenge the stakes to become more and more wet. The game became a standing afternoon tradition during our stay.

Fifteen years earlier, Lucy and I played this same game with our other nephew and niece. In fact, we frequently remark how playing with our two nephews is a deja-vu experience. The pleasure of playing with them and building meaningful relationship is both a joy and a delightful responsibility.

Knowing where I come from and where my roots are is a strong family norm. We can decide what we want to do with them, but we understand where these roots are and what they are about. I notice my 3 year old nephew already being quite clear who is who in his family, who belongs, including his old Chihuahua dog and who are neighbours, friends or community members. My older nephew and niece have heard stories of our youth, of my long-deceased father. They never knew my father in person, but they know him through stories and pictures. They know they are his descendants. My younger nephew will also hear some of those stories and will know his grandfather through the mannerisms and decisions and values and virtues his own father practises and instills in him.

Knowing our roots helps us know where we belong. It helps us clarify where home is. When we are clear where we belong, we can better find our place in the world, our place in our adult world beyond the family of our childhood. If we are unclear where we belong or never felt like we belonged because abuse, adoption, trauma, tragedy, neglect, immigration, etc, in our family of origin has not been resolved, we tend to carry a deep confusion in our psyches, creating blocks and confusion in our key adult relationships, whether at home or at work.

As my nephew is learning that he belongs to our family, not only through birth, but more importantly, through love, he is developing a conscience which will help him navigate the parameters of this most important reference group – his family. According to Family Constellations Systems theory, three key reference groups help form our sense of belonging: family group, social environment and ethnic group, religion and culture we have grown up in, respectively.

Without us being necessarily conscious of this ‘equilibrium of belonging’ that we are navigating, we are constantly asking these two questions: “What do I have to do to belong?” and “What do I avoid to prevent being excluded?”

The fear of exclusion sits deep within our psyche and we are hardwired as vulnerable children to choose belonging, regardless of the rules, behaviours and norms we take on, rather than choose autonomy. Belonging, as children, is an matter of survival! To belong and to bond with our family, we are required to stand behind our parents and be loyal to them. Can you see where conscience comes into play?

In this last quarter of 2014, I invite you to explore your relationships and where you are creating peace in core relationships and where you are blocked or sabotaging yourself from doing so. Return to your goals and commitments for 2014 and evaluate the results you have attained this far. What yet needs your attention to create more peace in your relationships, whether at home or at work?

As you take your next steps for this last quarter, reflect on these questions:

  • Where are the places or groups I belong?
  • What do I have to do to belong in these groups?
  • What do I avoid to prevent being excluded from them?
  • How do these choices and behaviours limit or expand my conscience in love?
  • What needs to be transformed or change?
  • Where does love need to flow again so I can increase my peace?

I know this may be a difficult inquiry for some of you. It can be helpful to have additional support as you explore these questions and further pursue your journey toward greater inner peace and peace within your relationships, whether personally or in your work. This may be the perfect time to consider a soul coaching partnership with me to help you get unstuck and find the right movement to reflect what makes you whole, balanced and more peaceful.

Namaste, Shirley Lynn