“We cannot wish old feelings away nor do spiritual exercises for overcoming them until we have woven a healing story that transforms our previous life’s experience and gives meaning to whatever pain we have endured.”  Joan Borysenko, PhD

I need to tell my story’, the story I haven’t told anyone yet.” I have spoken these words as have many of my clients over the years. And this week, we have heard again the power of telling our real soul stories in the unveiling of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission recommendations with regards to Canada’s shameful past of the ‘cultural genocide’ of First Nations peoples in residential schools.

Telling the painful story that has derailed us, that has taken our breath away, that has stolen pieces of our soul light is very hard to do. We need to feel safe – deeply safe. The vulnerability we have to surrender into can feel daunting as we face these dark moments of our past and the way this story may be continuing to unravel the joy and worthiness of our present. Somewhere inside of us, as ancient as the first people on the planet, is the need to tell stories that transform us, that invite us to act beyond who we are in the moment. This story of the heart is often emotion-laden, gripping and intense when filled with pain, loss and/or abuse and desecration of human dignity.

These stories of the heart require courage to tell, as we collectively learned this week, the shame we have hidden in our hearts about who we think we are in the story comes to light and is heard. People now see us in that most raw moment. We have to surrender control of outcome as the storyteller because we do not know who we will become in sharing our story nor what potential we will awaken to in our future until after we share our heart-story. The masks and sugar-coated story must drop away for the actual experience that needs voice from deep within.

But for a story to hold transformative power, there needs to be a compassionate listener. The listener must equally open their heart and with non-judgement and compassion listen with heart to the heart of another. Again, as we collectively witnessed this week, some stories are not easy to listen to because we become changed by these powerful stories. And we should be! Our hearts are opened, softened, made more compassionate. We both become awakened to a greater potential spiritually and for the future.

I recently read Sheryl Sandberg’s Facebook post sharing her experience 30 days after the death of her husband. Raw. Intense. Honest. Painful. As she stated, it is hard at times for people to know what to say when someone we love dies so suddenly. We often feel awkward, confused, anxious because we are unclear how to attend to the painful, grievous story our neighbour is living.

These are the moments that as listener we need to soften our hearts, to fill our hearts with compassion and invite Spirit, Universal Love, Higher Power (your metaphor for Divine Essence) to join and transform us beyond who we know ourselves to be in this moment. In doing so, we discover we are not alone and unworthy. Both the listener and the storyteller find release and a kind of relaxation as the hormones in the body begin to shift from stress ones to bonding ones. We find we are connected to others and are worthy of their love and care. Burdens and suffering are lightened. We begin to realize our separateness is an illusion. We begin to create a story of meaning, purpose and connection. We become members of the Circle of Life. That’s healing!

Although I have many ways to listen and respond to a story, my intent is to acknowledge, validate and bear compassionate witness to the experience with whom I am in Circle. When I listen, no matter if it is just me and someone else, I cannot imagine doing so outside of the ancient practice of Circle. For in Circle, love flows. The structure of Oneness is inherent in Circle. We are each equidistant to the centre of Circle, the place of purpose and the light and warmth of the fire. It’s an ancient wisdom that seems embedded in the best ways of speaking from our hearts.

I do not seek to change their story. That is pointless and dishonouring. What I support doing is holding space for the storyteller to remember and discover more of their power and love in, for, and with themselves, and in relation to their lives, their purpose, and their surroundings. I invite them to tell their stories in a way that keeps them constantly open to different pieces and hidden dynamics of their power within it.

And as I listen and they tell, they begin to discover a way to act beyond the imprisonment of the shame or guilt of who they perceive themselves to be in their story. It is in the deep listening and telling the story from heart that I have found people finally remember their own true spark, their own divine nature and can once again ground into their essential self.

Getting back on track after the rug has been pulled out or because the past has come back once again to say ‘deal with me’, ‘hear me’, often requires true heart courage and vulnerability to tell your story, unapologetically, truthfully, unmasked. Such moments transform. And when you tell it, share it with someone with compassionate presence, who bears witness to you in the moment, the path to your future opens up again with new light and potential. Telling your story into a bottle, or whining into the night does not transform. Such behaviours only further isolate and dishonour the real experience your heart needs to give expression to in the space of real connection and compassion.

There are many layers and dimensions to heart stories – personal, familial, communal, national, religious, cultural, ethic and more. An African proverb states that you cannot heal what you conceal. Free yourself today. Find a space and ask someone whom you respect and trust to listen. Be courageous and take off the masks and tell your story. Let the light, warmth and love in. It will transform who you have the potential to become and help you get back on the journey of your life … the one you know in your dreams!

Namaste,

Shirley Lynn

Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.”     Wayne Dyer

There have been several times in my life when I have been utterly derailed. And undoubtedly, so have you. Sometimes there are life events and the way things unfold, whether good or bad, that weave a profound and metamorphic imprint upon our soul.

We may have hoped for the best. We may have intended the best and we even prayed for the best. Despite all our good intentions and habits, despite all our visions and dreams, there are times that what comes to pass takes our feet out from under us – or profoundly derails us. These moments are so disorienting that it can sometimes take months to re-group, find our feet and get back on our life’s path.

And when these moments happen, our path is never quite the same. The vision we once had has now changed colour and texture. The destination we thought was our heart’s desire quietly shifts. Our world is different. And no matter how hard we may try or intend for the old path to return, it doesn’t. It can’t. To return here would disempower our heart in some way.

Indeed, in these moments healing needs to happen and as much as I know about the healing process (while acknowledging there is a dynamic mystery to the journey of soul healing), it nevertheless takes incredible courage to be attentive, present and compassionate with one’s own affective process. Feelings of anger, grief, sadness, and emotional pain may seem endless and immense, and powerful enough to finally wipe us off the planet.

Regardless of how much we know about something in our rational cerebral cortex, healing doesn’t happen here. Healing happens in the limbic (middle) and lower part of the brain, in the heart and in the body-limbic connection. We are not spared this affective healing process, regardless of how ‘together’ we appear, or how many retreats we have gone to, or what we have worked through in previous upsets. In this moment, that does not matter. In this moment, we need to decide again to heal, to face the affective experience, the emotional fallout of this life impact. The wisdom of the past assists us in the courage and strength and faith to face this moment, but we can’t skip over it.

One of the most difficult parts to this healing process is telling our truth, being honest about our actual experience of what has derailed us or taken out our feet. We are so accustomed to telling the story others prefer to hear, or which aligns with the spirituality of the day or of past ‘doctrines’, or cultural mental wellness trends that are ‘in vogue’ – we fail to be with the actual experience and to speak the actual words we need to speak.

And so our healing becomes a surface healing. It doesn’t touch the ‘soul of the derailment‘. It doesn’t speak to the grief of the dream that is in the fire to be re-born in a new way. A dream you barely recognize because you now have to recognize it with new eyes. This path of healing and re-orientation is not easy. It requires great courage and affective strength. It requires compassion and forgiveness. And lots of faith!

No matter what you do or who you are – a corporate executive, a leader of others, a highly sought-after professional in your field, a parent seeking to do the best they can, etc. – we are not exempt from life, from the issues of our times, personally or globally. Perhaps our roles and responsibilities in life make it difficult to find a safe, confidential and fully respecting place to heal, but our souls still call us to heal.

Such honest acknowledging does not mean that you are not ‘staying positive’ or that you lack the capacity to re-build your life. It doesn’t mean you are un-spiritual to fully acknowledge the truth of your grieving heart, your lost soul, your vision desecrated. What it means is that in this moment of honesty and self-compassion, the Universe, The Sacred Mystery, The Great Wisdom, etc, can meet your soul and through Its Love and Power and Light, re-vitalize your heart and inner self to a new orientation, a new path with new destinations. The essence of your soul’s vision is given new life.

To move forward in life means we need to heal. In the words of Socrates, if we don’t first heal the soul, we cannot heal the body. Healing must include the whole. If our healing is symptomatic and ‘of the part’, we will find ourselves becoming stuck once again, depleted, circling around the same emotion, drinking from the depression of our anger or fear.

Acknowledge what has happened. Heed to the beckoning of your soul and heal. When you choose to truly heal, your path takes on a whole new dimension of vision and peace and health that becomes a joy to live and contribute to the well-being and healing of the whole.

Namaste,

Shirley Lynn

Mother’s Day. Perhaps you (like me) will be having a long-distance conversation with your mother. Some of you may be sharing a moment with your mother’s spirit through memory or prayer. Others of you will be experiencing the losses, griefs or loneliness of what you longed for and never got. We praise and honour mothers on Mother’s Day, for without mothers, life would not exist (we need fathers too, but they have their own day!).

Some of you may be rejecting your mother’s teachings about life or religion or about who you have the potential to be. Others of you rely on her faith in you to accomplish your best in life and relationships. Whatever kind of relationship you have with your mother, it can never be dismissed as insignificant.

Whether you are left with scars or an abundance of cherished memories, her life has left its large and irrevocable imprint. For those who have been deeply wounded by their mothers, there may be ways in which the charge and effect can be dissipated and lessened over time, but the scar will likely remain in some form or another, dormant or active. Indeed, there are mothers who loved you, but never had the tools, the skills, the support or perhaps the sense of self to mother in the ways you needed. That she loved you doesn’t make up for trauma impact for her neglect and abandonment.

Many of you also are connected to Nature, to Earth as our Mother. Currently, we are witnessing the effects and impact of our abuse of our Mother. It’s profound, this abuse, and it is spreading to Her children en masse. Many of us ignore the extent of the abuse. Some of us do desire to care for her and to honour her pain and anger, so she can begin to heal … and to restore the abundant vitality She has to nurture and care for us.

And yet, we struggle to know what we can do. We feel overwhelmed. We believe it won’t make a difference. Or we are too afraid to give up our sense of ‘security’ to right the imbalance of reciprocity necessary for sustainable life for all of us in relationship with Mother Earth.

And then there is the Divine Mother, the Goddess that gave birth to the Universe. Lao Tzu speaks to this in the Tao Te-Ching:

The Tao is called the Great Mother:

empty yet inexhaustible,

it gives birth to infinite worlds.

It is always present within you.

You can use it any way you want.

Tao Te-Ching 6

There was something formless and perfect

before the universe was born.

It is serene. Empty.

Solitary. Unchanging.

Infinite. Eternally present.

It is the mother of the universe.

For lack of a better name,

I call it the Tao.

It flows through all things,

inside and outside, and returns

to the origin of all things.…

Tao Te Ching 25

See more at: http://www.adishakti.org/_/tao_great_mother_is_an_entirely_approachable_comforting_and_universal_idea.htm#sthash.Bt8XCsu8.dpuf

This Divine Mother frequently has been buried, repressed and tortured in our religious and spiritual stories, imagery and philosophy or theological understandings. She has often been honoured and appropriately revered by indigenous peoples, but less so in our hierarchical, patriarchal and colonialist ways of being in relationship with ourselves, with Nature, Her creatures, Her diversity, and with what is Sacred.

Through the profound state of our planet and the majority of her inhabitants, we are in a position, on a precipice, a critical threshold of ignoring our Mother, or denying Her existence or abusing Her natural balance and abundance for all OR returning to Her and seeing the Divine Mother in ourselves. She lives within us. She moves within us. She is always present within us.

We may have disconnected from Her. We may feel like She abandoned us or neglected us. We may feel anger and profound sadness that we have never had the knowing, the stories, the ways of even getting to know Her.

I believe it is time to return to the Divine Mother. The journey back may involve many unexpected sorrows, anger, experiences of despair and hopelessness, but we must return. She is our life. She is our heartbeat. The choice, it seems, is whether we return with courage, trust and a willing heart to have her lead and guide us anew. We have been told a story of survival, power and success for so long, we barely know how to hear the Great Mother’s voice … the One who gave birth to the Universe.

We may need to go into the darkness for a time to hear Her. Not the darkness of imbalance and mental illness, but the darkness of ‘nothingness/emptiness’ – of expectation, of control and outcome, of ego identity, of linear answers and determined progressions of the ego’s future. We will need to go into the darkness to find our true essence, our inner light and meet our Mother who loves, comforts and sustains us. (Tao Te-Ching, 34)

Every Mother’s Day we are invited to celebrate the love and life our mothers have given us. No matter how adequately (or not) she may have done this for you, remember that she too lives in you. She is in your memories, in your cells and neurons. She exists in the very constitution of who you are! For your health, your life and your most meaningful relationships, and even for your career and sense of purpose and destiny, make peace with your mother. Return to her.

And if you cannot do so because it remains unsafe in some way to do so, return to Mother Earth and return to the Great Mother who gave your great-grandmother life, who gave your grandmother life, who gave your mother life, who gave you life, who perhaps gave your daughter life, and so on. And when you return to the Great Mother, express your gratitude for Her eternal and unconditional, unchanging love, comfort and sustenance in your every breath, choice and action.

Breathe in the words of Lao Tzu:

In the beginning was the Tao.

All things issue from it;

all things return to it.

To find the origin,

trace back the manifestations.

When you recognize the children

and find the mother,

you will be free of sorrow.

If you close your mind in judgements

and traffic with desires,

your heart will be troubled.

If you keep your mind from judging

and aren’t led by the senses,

your heart will find peace.

Seeing into darkness is clarity.

Knowing how to yield is strength.

Use your own light

and return to the source of light.

This is called practicing eternity.

Tao Te Ching 52

If you need to find peace and love in your relationship with your mother and be free of sorrow, contact me. But for today, celebrate the love and power of Mother, in whatever Mother you can be with in your heart.

Namaste,

Shirley Lynn

Not long ago, a colleague shared with me a situation in which ‘a lot of drama’ was playing out in a business relationship. She was wondering how she could gracefully and peacefully ‘exit’ this situation.

This reminded me of what my mediation instructors used to say … that even really good, kind and the best of people can and do get caught up in conflict or in a drama they don’t know how to get out of. They don’t know how it ‘got to this point’ and they feel embarrassed to seek help of any kind.

In my practice, people frequently share how a particular relationship triggers them in ways that they don’t understand and they find themselves reacting to the other person’s comments or engage in behaviour they themselves find ‘icky’ and intolerable.

To think that ‘that will never be me’ is a mistake. Getting caught in the drama of relationship dynamics happens to all of us. Without realizing it, we have sent that email with words we can’t take back, or we have said something that we simply can’t pretend wasn’t said. Or we find ourselves playing out the drama because we don’t know what else to do. We may not have the boundaries or tools to step out of the drama and stop it (yet) – I believe we use the word ‘drama’ because we don’t really know what is going on.

I think this kind of ‘drama’ happens when participants within the relationship dynamic do not take responsibility for how they feel or what they think. Participants end up ‘throwing around’ their shame, guilt and anger or lashing out in hurt or blame causing a wave of disrespect, disregard or failure to truly listen. People feel ‘hit’ by this anger and in this emotional chaos of energy, words begin to be thrown about. All communication speeds up and quickens in reactions, our shame being fuelled. A true recipe for disaster and deep hurt – even with those we love the most.

So what can we do when drama shows up?

BREATHE. And breathe again. Breathe into your kidneys (practise doing this when you are not stressed, so it can be a reflex-like response in a necessary moment). This will begin to calm your heart rate and regulate your stress flight instinct so you can think more resourcefully.

SLOW DOWN THE CONVERSATION! As I mentioned, ‘drama’ is fast and mindless. So slow down the conversation. Put in breaks such as a 24-hour delay in responding to emails or simply say in a conversation, “I will need 24 hours to think about what you just said and get back to you.” Or, “let me go outside and put my feet on the ground and get centred, so I can show up here feeling good about how I am doing that.”

ANSWER THIS QUESTION: What is the boundary of respect that is needed here? When we become reactive and step into a drama dynamic, our sense of shame (sense of inadequacy, failure or not being good enough or worthy) often becomes fuelled. When shame is present, respect is absent. Be present to your feelings, including shame. Perhaps tap on specific points if you know how to do that (ie. EFT, TFT, Midline Therapy, or some other way to bring down the emotional arousal level). Shame feels ‘icky’ and we fear being ‘exposed’ when shame takes over. It’s often the best time to ask for help from a trusted other, because it’s precisely the time when our subconscious will try to convince, and our ‘shame voice’ threaten, us that if we ask for help we will be exposed and even less acceptable than before.

EVALUATE YOUR OWN TRIGGER. What does this dynamic awaken in you which feeds your shadow relationship pattern? Even if you assess you have contributed only 5% to the drama, you have contributed that much and so that is the part that remains your responsibility. Often our own core wound, such as we feel our incompetence or lack of worth has been exposed somehow. Learn to detach from this trigger and know its patterns so you can catch it early when it becomes activated. Have someone help you develop more responsive relationship patterns, especially in conflict.

CHANGE YOUR POSITION. Whenever we are relating to someone or something, we are in a certain position to them/it … often without our awareness. For example, perhaps we have repeatedly put someone else on a pedestal or supported that person beyond what may be healthy for us. If you pay close attention to the structure of this dynamic, it means that you have given permission for the other to be oriented in a way they can look down on you or you are ‘underneath’ that person in an attempt to be supportive to the point of your own deterioration. In noticing the structure of this interaction, you can choose to stand up for yourself, which encourages a different set of responses behaviourally and verbally. Perhaps you are always putting yourself behind the other person and you need to come into equal -side by side- position and drop the victim narrative. ( I will be sharing more about this in the near future).

IDENTIFY WHAT YOU REALLY NEED AND VALUE. Clarify what you really want to happen and what the relationship means to you. Perhaps you need to exit the relationship because it is draining your energy. Perhaps you each need to clarify what values and core needs are being disrespected so it becomes clear what you need or want to have happen instead of the ‘drama’. Don’t shortchange this step. Take the time to deeply listen to what you need and then the other person. When people come back to the same issue again and again, even ‘after it’s been discussed’, it signifies that a core need or value is still not validated and people are still not feeling listened to, nor respected. David Ausberger says that deep listening is really an experience of true love. I agree. Establish boundaries that reflect your core values and true needs so that your relationships have improved patterns of connection rather than ‘drama’.

These are just a few ways to address ‘relationship drama’ when it shows up. I challenge you to pay attention to our theme of ‘peaceful relating’ and see what other insights and techniques you can gather. For this next week, write down what relationships are ‘drama-driven’ for you and see if you can identify where the lack of respect is playing out and notice your position (above, under, ‘in the right’, ‘out in left field’, behind, ahead) in this drama.

In upcoming blogs, we will continue to explore how you orient yourself to your world and the ways you communicate and give permission for others to be in relationship with you. Gift yourself with what spring can awaken in your heart to re-kindle meaningful relationships.

Namaste,

Shirley Lynn

submitted by Lucy Martin

This weekend I enjoyed a leisurely walk to the river with Carlie and Rayna. While the dogs were sniffing and prowling about, I had the pleasure of listening and observing what was going on in this microcosm of the greater river system. I noticed that Canadian geese, Mallards, Golden Eyes, seagulls, and killdeer were all sharing the same small area of the river. And that is just who I could see and identify – who and what else was there in that same space that I couldn’t see?

What struck me was that even with similar needs for resources, there was a peacefulness and respectfulness about it all. Each species of bird was acting in ways specific to its kind, creating alliances and vying for food and mates. All with little fanfare in this particular moment. There was a sense of greater good – the geese were the alarmists of the river, and everyone seemed to heed their warnings.

My attention soon was drawn to a commotion across the water above the still naked trees. A couple seagulls were having a discussion with a bald eagle firmly rooted on its branch. My sense was that the eagle was warning the gulls about territory encroachment. The gulls, seemingly not convinced about the need to move along, called in reinforcements. The discussions continued only slightly louder with more voices; the sole eagle held its space and opinion. And very soon the larger group of gulls calmly left the area under contention. No aggression needed.

I know that life along the river is not always idyllic but yesterday there were so many repetitions of peaceful relating that it caught my attention. I reflected on how often we too find ourselves in situations with conflicting needs and desires with others in our environment. How do we choose to attend to and resolve those conflicts?

Do we scream and make our demands known and insist on their higher importance? Do we puff our feathers and aggressively challenge anyone who thinks or feels differently? Do we allow others’ needs to be attended to at the expense of our own? Do we find ways to communicate each one’s needs and find equitable ways to address and meet the needs and concerns of each? What drives our conversations – Winning? Not losing? Not making waves? Mutuality? Peace?

It felt like a gift to have these gentle expressions of conflict, peaceful relations, and mutuality along the river yesterday. So often in the social and news medias we are inundated with expressions of violence and conflict, it can be challenging to remember there is a better way. So I encourage you not to lose sight of healthier ways of communicating your own needs and desires – not in isolation from, but in harmony with others in your environment.

Shirley Lynn is a great resource if you need support and guidance in creating more harmonious and peaceful ways of relating, with your self and with others. Call or email today to book an appointment and get back to nature, to Wisdom’s way of peace.

Take time this spring to look for your own signs of peaceful relations in your environment. They are likely more frequent than you have realized before.

Awhile back, I received a blog about Paradigms that has stayed with me. Today I want to share my reflections on this topic.

I was struck by the power of paradigms under which we are still controlled even when the old paradigms no longer make sense or cost too much to keep. Yet, these paradigms in our lives remain unexamined, unchallenged and often remain on autopilot without any awareness on our part.

As an example, in the following story, you’ll see that the present criteria for building rails in 2015 is still rooted in the activity of war. It is perhaps an obscure reference for how we shape our reality around ‘warring’ stories of the past, but these warring stories are embedded in our personal and collective unconscious in ways we rarely can imagine.

 – –

Why We Should Often Challenge the “Way It’s Always Been Done”

http://beyondbbd.com/2013/03/why-we-should-often-challenge-the-way-its-always-been-done/

The U.S. standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. This is not only an odd number, but it has meant massive re-tooling for the rail manufacturers and substantial wasted raw materials.

So why is that figure used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were laid out by English expatriates.

Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.

Why did the tramway builders use that gauge then? Because those builders used the same jigs and tools they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? If they tried to use any other spacing, the wagons would break on some of the old, long-distance roads. Why? That is the spacing of the old wheel ruts.

So why are those ruts at that spacing? Because the first long-distance roads in Europe were built by the Roman army for their legions, and the ruts were first made by the war chariots.

Thus, we have the answer to the original question. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman army war chariot. This is the distance just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.

– –

When we step into intimate relationships, into dreams of our careers, or personal goals of accomplishment to spiritual practices of higher consciousness, these hidden paradigms and patterns of ‘war’ come to light. As we begin to explore these patterns of control, of dominance, of power-over, and their opposites – of identified ‘victimhood’, of voicelessness, of ineffective connecting, we begin to encounter our inner thresholds of choice.

We make choices to become aware and REALLY see what is as it is.

When we see ‘what is as it is’, we can choose to acknowledge it.

In acknowledging this ‘war’, with compassion, we open ourselves for transformation of a better potential.

We awaken to the dawning of a new possible reality which we now need to act upon.

Breathe into and breathe in this new reality. Ground into it. Find the posture of this new reality. Open to the ideas of this new reality.

As it starts to live in our body, we will be guided to know what to do, differently.

Breathe; Be; Listen. The dance will start to move you in a new way.

Open to Love. Open to Light. Let go of the war chariots and horses. Be here, now, in the moment … that is, here in 2015!

Then respond to what is now, here, in front of you, with the knowledge and skills, and gracious unfolding of Spirit who moved us into this place and space and opportunity of consciousness!

Namaste,

Shirley Lynn

Think about someone you respect with everything in your heart, who you almost radically respect. Reflect upon their actions, their values, the way they care for others and themselves, the choices they make and the manner in which they communicate with others. What do you notice? What stands out for you about the way in which they embody self respect that ‘demands’ you respect them?

A key destroyer to self respect is a lack of personal boundaries and standards. Personal boundaries and standards, when effective, communicates, among other things, to others how we wish to be treated, who we are and the responsibility we take for our lives. Over the past 20 years of working with people, I have heard hundreds of stories of wounds and hurt that people carry in which their core sense of dignity and respect have been compromised, violated or disregarded.

Clearly, when children are abused, neglected and repeatedly traumatized by the lives of shame and abuse from their parents, guardians and trusted elders, learning the standards and practices of self-respect is negligible and non-existent. Like cancer, if these same children grow up and don’t get the healing they require, they may spread this shame of disrespect and abuse to others, only now it begins to multiply. Other times, there are those who have become so accustomed to low self-esteem, they simply fall into patterns of weak boundaries that end up sabotaging the very goals they are working so hard to accomplish. Developing self respect is a key healing balm to transmute our shame and low self worth.

Spiritually, self-respect is necessary to experience our inner potential and to fulfill our purpose or deep meaning in life. To contribute to the betterment of our world and to restore wholeness to our planet, we need to begin to grow our self respect. Here are four key standards of self respect which authenticate your life and strengthen your spirituality:

1. Value and Honour Yourself

Although we know we need to value and honour our needs, our dreams and our goals if we are to respect ourselves, actually following through as though we are required by a Divine standard for ourselves is a choice we often justify away. To deeply value myself, my proper nutrition, my body health, my mind’s well-being and my spirit’s nourishing would be as fundamental to me as putting gas in the car to make sure I could get from point A to B. And yet, how often does the gas in the car get first priority?

Valuing and honouring ourselves means that we need to treat our whole selves, our inner core with dignity, a key standard of respect. On a scale of 1-10, where do you put yourself? Where would you like to be and what do you need to transform to respect yourself as you would like?

2. Be Honest and Live your Principles

Many of us deeply value honesty, and trust those who are truthful. What I am often struck with is what it means to be honest and truthful with myself. If I am only aware of my ego understanding of life, then I cannot be honest. I will be untruthful, no matter how hard I attempt to behave honestly. To be honest and truthful means I need to be connected, aware and growing in the presence and light of my soul, my inner deepest heart/mind. The challenge to be truthful is not just about what we say. Rather, and more importantly, being honest requires that our words, our actions, our intentions, our energy and our spiritual being flow with integration and coherence. This process is a daily commitment to oneself and to the principles we live by regardless of what life presents us.

Seeking to become more soulfully honest raises our standard of self respect. What new question can you pose to yourself that would forward your truth from within your inner being?

3. Trust your Inner Wisdom

We all have deep knowledge and gut instincts about what is good and beneficial for us. We have been trained to ignore these signals, body cues and insights and instead, to give credibility and authority to our thinking rationales. Of course, I believe reason and insight or intuition both can harmoniously work together for our greater good. However, they are to be in balance and work as a dialectic tension with one another. We frame our lives and our thinking in binary, dualistic fashion so often that we neglect our own inner wisdom to guiding us forward.

Our bodies are a powerful communicator about what is beneficial and what is destructive for us. And yet, because we have weak standards of self valuing and honouring, we miss the key signals that point us to our truth, our wisdom and the way forward in our lives. Without trusting our inner wisdom, our standard of respect will rarely mature and support us in the difficult moments of our lives and relationships.

What is the insight you have been disregarding and rationalizing away, that if you listened would provide the breakthrough you are seeking?

4. Act with Courage to Change

Here we encounter the stumbling blocks of most stumbling blocks—the courage to change. To claim our courage is to seek our unknown potential. Respect truly builds and grounds within us when we take action toward our potential, and that means we must be aligned with and open to Spirit. Potential is a Higher Power when we choose potential that promotes our joy, peace and goodwill to all sentient beings.

The Chinese character ‘chaos’ is depicted as a new plant breaking the ground and is translated “where dreams begin”. In other words, the beginning is often difficult and requires us to change our habits and mindsets and perhaps even release old relationships and seek new ones. Such changes create fear in us so intense sometimes that we cannot see the success of the positive results and we turn back to where we came or become frozen in a sense of failure. The courage to change brings into focus the other 3 standards and as a coherent set of standards has the power to transform the very essence of our joy and the path we walk to manifest it. Deep self respect demands our courage to act.

What metaphor of SELF RESPECT can your Inner Wisdom create that is so powerful, strong and wise, you literally change a weak and destructive pattern in your life and relationships?

If self respect is an area you would like to improve, consider working with me. Together we can create powerful opportunities for you to transform your present relationships.

Namaste,
Shirley Lynn

Carlie and I have been preparing for our first correction/fun match in Rally Obedience. So this past Saturday I set up a Rally course so Carlie, Rayna and I could train together. The course had a good amount of challenge to it for the novice category. I set it up in a way that really tested our skills and teamwork.

 

We love to train together, but over the past few months I sensed we had lost our edge together for training. Not that either of us wanted to stop as we both love to learn and explore our potential together. But something was missing and I was trying to figure it out. I tried various strategies to improve drive and skill. Then one day, I heard her say, ‘listen to your heart, the answer is in your heart’.

I listened to my heart and I didn’t hear anything. I asked Goddess/Reiki/Great Universe to show me the way. I waited and then listened again for the past two months. Yesterday, the answer finally came. Simply, calmly, perfectly clear and elegant.

The course was set up and as Carlie and I went to the starting point, these words gently came forward from my heart: “Carlie, this is a very tricky course, so we are really going to have to think. You really need to pay attention and think about what we are doing. It’s a really tricky game this time.” I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. She sat beside me in perfect heel position, looked at the course and then at me, as if to say, “I’m with you and I’m ready!” We did okay, but because I could tell she was really with me, I was also able to clearly see what I could do differently to help her be even more successful.

After our first run, I gave Rayna a turn. I told her a similar message. She had watched Carlie and I had noticed how she was observing Carlie’s concentration (Carlie is often her model at learning new games). A great run! I switched them up and Carlie’s next run was much improved. Switched. Rayna’s run was awesome. Switched and Carlie went one more time. Awesome run!! We were all so excited. We finished our training session at this high point of success. Good training always leaves them feeling successful and eager to do more. It creates a strong work ethic and joy for the game and the partnership founded in love.

In the Mumford & Sons song ‘Awake my Soul’, they hauntingly sing “In these bodies we will live. In these bodies we will die. Where you invest your life, you invest your love.”

Carlie and I live in our bodies and we know we will die in these bodies. Right now, we have this life, not another one, but this one. If I spend my time wishing for something other or regret what I’ve failed to do in the past, I will miss the opportunity that is right in front of me to invest my life in my love for her as we are right here, right now! I was reminded again of how much she loves and enjoys the ‘game’, the ‘puzzling it out’, ‘thinking through the trick’. I had lost sight of the heart of who she is. The answer lay within my heart, waiting to emerge in the right moment when I was listening and would have the most impact.

David Augsberger states that for most people, being deeply listened to is equivalent to being deeply loved. If you are in conflict with someone, or there just seems to be something flat, like something went missing, like with Carlie and I, then stop and really listen to your heart. The answer is there. And whatever is in the way of the message coming forward, you must make the effort to release it, heal it, transform it, re-frame it. And you may also need to be patient. The answer may not emerge immediately. And if it hasn’t been revealed, it may be because the right moment to make the most impact hasn’t presented itself yet.

Often we are coached to take action and make it happen, to exercise our personal will to manifest what we want. However, in the real spiritual centre of Oneness and the spiritual freedom of the Great Universe, we align with the Love and Will that already exists in the Universal Mind/Goddess/Creator. And in this state of alignment and openness, we receive the wisdom and our greatest desires are manifested. It will come to us.

Make Love your life investment. It will require you to listen – to listen deeply, to listen in ways that may be new, to listen to answers that are clear and devoid of drama and ego, and to listen to what is authentic to you even though others may not ‘get it’.

Listening from the heart to invest in Love will bring you incredible answers in the right moment with perfect impact for transformative results. Practise listening as an expression of love this February.

Stop.

Create space to listen to your heart.

Really listen. Without judgement.

It will deepen your self respect. Your outcomes to choices will be more clear and simple. Your sense of what is good and true will be strengthened. The way you relate with your environment and relationships around you will become more peaceful. Your life and consciousness will evolve and mature. And when crises hit, you are better trained to stay calm and resilient.

Namaste,

Shirley Lynn

This past Saturday Carlie and I participated in a workshop in canine nosework/scenting. The day once again provided me with opportunities to reflect upon key dynamics, skills and behaviours needed to succeed in love and partnership, to succeed in relationship well-being.

Throughout the workshop we learned how to positively and respectfully reinforce our dogs to ‘find’ the scent of wintergreen and then reward them for making choices to find this ‘stinky scent’ (not a natural scent they might naturally gravitate toward!). But more importantly, we were asking them to choose to ‘play’ with us.

We started out by making the criteria very simple. Treats in one hand. Wintergreen in the other. Choosing to smell the wintergreen always resulted in a treat on top of the little bottle of wintergreen, communicating that ‘yes’ we want you to choose to scent this oil. Respectfully, we invited our dogs to play with us by using good enthusiasm, partnership, and clear communication. Each time Carlie chose to smell the wintergreen I cheered her on and gave her a treat on the container. I consistently affirmed and reinforced the behaviour we were seeking with each attempt she made.

Because we were in a workshop setting, each training session advanced the criteria, (so we could understand the process), but were clearly told not to go to the next level until the dog had shown good consistency, confidence and accuracy in the foundational skills. In the actual sport test, handlers are not given any information about which box holds the scent. Only the dogs are to track the scent. The foundation skills build that kind of clarity of expectation and partnership for the ultimate game. What we want in this game is their participation to scent out what we ask of them, but we need to trust that their nose is much more accurate than ours.

Each human-dog partnership had multiple opportunities to receive individual coaching to improve our movements (and intention behind our movements) to better communicate what we wished to communicate. Often it was such little movements like having the shoulder the wrong way, changing our walking pace, or looking at the dog rather than the target that only confused rather than helped the dog.

So throughout this next month, there will be much for me to pay attention to in my communication/training with Carlie as we share this journey of scenting together. Here is my list:

1. Speak simply and respectfully (cues need to be a word or two).
2. Be clear in the outcome. What is the end result and what does it look like?
3. Be clear in what I’m asking her to do in each training session (can I explain it to myself in 5-7 words or less). If I can’t make it simple, how can I expect to create little steps and help her to be successful?
4. Be consistent – with my encouragement, with my cues, with the progression towards advancing the skills, etc. – so it remains clear for Carlie.
5. Remember that we are both learning to work together, so practise the foundation steps well and build trust in our partnership in this new sport.

These might seem like simple and common sense behaviours and knowledge you regularly practise with those around you. And yet, how often do our intentions, our criteria, our outcomes, our posture and behaviours (ie. eye movements, shoulder position, head position, etc) actually all align?

Something we tend to overlook when we want to ‘talk’ with our partner about something new or to introduce a new topic, is the actual criteria we wish to cover. What is the specific ‘conversation’ or what is the objective and what do we really want our partner to understand? When we are unclear of our criteria and goals, we set ourselves up to be upset, misunderstood or frustrated because we lack the clarity in our criteria, in the outcome of what we seek. And then we wonder what happened when the conversation ‘failed to get anywhere positive.’

Ask yourself what vision and behaviours of love and connection you need to get clear about so those who matter to you understand what you are asking of them and what you wish to offer to them. Take the necessary time to build trust and establish a solid foundation. It may seem slower at the beginning, but front-end loading is always worth the effort when stress hits!

A really useful tool I have developed to help you clarify what you want to do differently this year and accomplish in peaceful relating is Wisdom’s Way to Relating Peacefully: Your 2015 Working Guide. You can find it on my website or at my office. Do what it takes this year to show yourself and others you love them. You will bring peace to us and our world.

For me, the nosework/scenting workshop was a beautiful opportunity to practise mindfulness of love in how I partner with Carlie in ‘new territory’, in an old conversation (one of trust and partnership) as it occurs in a new context, in a new form, for a different outcome/game. I invite you to practise mindfulness of love with someone near and dear to you as well.

Namaste,

Shirley Lynn

Out beyond ideas

of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field.

I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down

in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language

– even the phrase “each other” –

do not make any sense.

– Rumi

Each year, I work through my Guidebook Wisdom’s Way to Peaceful Relationships as a way to explore what I learned from the year before – what worked, what didn’t, what I want to do differently in the coming year, where I want to grow in Love and so forth. It helps me to stay aligned with my core principle of creating peace, building peace, returning to peace. It also challenges me to grow and move beyond any internal states of stagnation in my relationships. I end up with me a plan I can ‘walk through’ in the coming year and thereby stay focused.

As a result of what I wanted to improve in my relationships last year, I began to reflect upon how much language makes a difference in the way I/we show up to relating peacefully. I was thinking about peaceful relationships and how we create them. And still, I felt there was something missing. I found myself being guided to tweak this theme to give it more life and make it more dynamic.

I was also invited to practise love and forgiveness with a friend who had behaved in a significantly hurtful way. Through this journey of practising loving-kindness, a Reiki ethic that is core to my spiritual practice, I realized that none of my relationships are static, none remain truly stagnant in Love. Loving-kindness and forgiveness asked me to remain deeply committed to myself and to the heart of who I know I am – because there were times I just wanted to throw in the towel.

So rather than focusing on the relationship, I became intrigued with what peaceful relationships look like in action, how images of such relationships change when we shift our focus to the activity of peaceful relating.

So I have changed my language to peaceful relating, with particular focus on the ongoing activity of relating peacefully. This new language began to re-shape my reality as I began to consider the creative emergence of what could unfold next as I made choices to relate peacefully now.

I am a being – a living, dynamic being in motion, in movement, in activity. My mind is always active, even while sleeping, I dream. Although I experience stillness in meditation or contemplative prayer, it is dynamic, alive and flowing. So too is my potential in relating with all things. If I want to be in the positive flow of life, then there is a call to relate in love and peace. It calls me to be attentive and present to what my experience is and what is alive in me as I interact and engage with life, with my dog Carlie, my family, clients, home, people in my community, and so forth.

Relating peacefully awoke an awareness within me of self doubts, griefs, old hurts that I wanted to release and open myself to more Love in my relationships. This awareness called me to be attentive, flexible and strong in my boundaries that respected my core being.

This coming year, as we start on this journey of relating peacefully, I invite you to observe and become aware of the manner in which you relate in peace with yourself. Where does it already happen? When can you relate in love with your body and the whole of who you are? What happens when you fall out of relating peacefully with yourself? Where are you stuck in a relationship which needs new language to help you make loving movement again?

Wisdom’s Way to Relating Peacefully – Your 2015 Guidebook will lead you through your own personal journey of discovering a new language, new metaphors, stronger strategies and a transformation of old practices. Allow yourself to let go of what doesn’t work anymore and meet me in a new field of consciousness in 2015 – relating peacefully. You can download your copy from my website today. Printed copies also are available at my office.

Namaste,
Shirley Lynn