Those that go searching for love
only make manifest of their own lovelessness,
and the loveless never find love,
only the loving find love,
and they never have to seek for it.
D. H. Lawrence
One recent warm morning while walking with Carlie, I was contemplating Wayne Dyer’s recent passing and the message of Divine Love that he and other spiritual teachers have been teaching me on my recent journeys. I was in the middle of pondering the DH Lawrence quote (see above) when a ladybug landed directly on my heart. I acknowledged the synchronicity of this moment, stopped my train of thought and reached out to offer Reiki to this tiny being resting upon my heart.
The ladybug had nothing to say, and didn’t need to. His very presence on my heart communicated a significant affirmation of what was emerging in my own consciousness. He accepted Reiki and I thanked him for his friendship, knowing I would never see him again. I had no fear of this ladybug and neither was he fearful of me. Our joy of connection simply found expression on a warm summer morning – with our hearts open to love. When the wisdom of these teachings had crystallized into a powerful knowing within my own heart, the ladybug flew off.
This moment may seem simple and perhaps too ordinary to mention. However, so often I encounter people who express a loneliness and frustration because they cannot find a place to belong or connect with others in a meaningful or loving way. They don’t recognize the ladybug who lands on their heart, or the bird who flies above them the whole time they are on a walk, or the person sitting on the bench who greets them with a smile and a ‘good morning’.
I do understand the need for deeper and perhaps more long term connection and community, especially in matters of the heart. Yet, I keep hearing the words of a teacher of mine that ring in my ears still, and perhaps will for the rest of my life – “You can be community in a moment.”
In other words, neither the ladybug, Carlie or myself, spent any time making judgements or fearful analyses of the other. We didn’t need weeks or months to build community between us. We simply stood in love and offered friendship. And what we got back was love and friendship. And my heart was filled.
Had I gone searching for this experience out of a sense of lovelessness for myself or others, I would not have been in a mindset to receive love and spiritual friendship in a way I needed, but wasn’t expecting to manifest in this way. Love finds love. Love doesn’t go looking for lovelessness for that frequently leads to hurt and betrayal. Lovelessness doesn’t have the sense of worthiness, respect or awareness to notice the creativity and subtleties in the spontaneous expression of genuine love.
Love is a verb. Love is an activity. Love is mysteriously a state of consciousness that is a dynamic dance of the body, mind, inter-social and spiritual. It is not a static noun of non-change.
Frequently clients ask me how one really knows if they are loved or love another? I believe there are three key behaviours (activity) that meet the requirements or ethics of loving:
- Mutual Respect: I describe mutual as having the quality of reciprocity, a giving and receiving. For me, respect is about honouring the dignity in another sentient being. So mutual respect is about the conscious activity of honouring the dignity in each other as a standard.
- Trust: My present understanding of trust is a reliable and repeatable sense of deep assurance that is based on strong evidence through the character, ability, or truth shown by someone or something over time or across situations. Trust is a risk and requires our vulnerability to open ourselves to someone or something to bring a quality of insight, wisdom or usefulness to what we need from one another or from a situation.
- Positive Regard: For me, regard encompasses the elements of attentiveness (being present and thoughtful), concern and compassion. It suggests a relationship where mutual well-being and a positive investment in one another is organically shared.
When one’s love actively engages these elements into our being and doing, our love will have the natural capacity to forgive (more on this in another blog). It ignites emotion, but Love is a dynamic principle of the spirit to the fulfilment of its own true essence.
Love consistently calls us into respecting ourselves, the natural laws of life and the community of which we are a part.
Love daily invokes the assurance to build trust in ourselves, in the ‘Great Unfolding of All Things’ and in those who love us (those who consistently engage these three qualities with us).
And finally, love calls our hearts to the positive regard and well-being of our own inner essence as well as the essence in all life, starting out with those in our inner circles.
If you cannot find this true and genuine doing and being of love with others, then check to see if you are actively engaging these three elements of love toward yourself. If you are not doing so with increasing consistency, reliability and durability, then begin here, with yourself.
Ask one safe person to help you, even if it means getting professional help. Loving yourself as a dynamic way of engaging with yourself is a matter of life and death (physically, emotionally, and of the spirit). Your life is priceless. So learning to love yourself through clear and genuine connecting and positive self-regard is worthy of your soulful commitment and acquired resources. You are that important in the web of life. It is also the building block to attracting spiritual friends, where love meets love, no matter the species!
I thank Merle the Ladybug for landing on my heart offering me love and friendship. I know this because I experienced mutual respect, trust and positive regard between us. And in the openness to Love, the experience of spiritual connection was immediate. Blessed be.